


Dare to Believe

by shnixangel



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:11:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnixangel/pseuds/shnixangel
Summary: “You look so hot.” Brian mumbled in Howie’s ear, his hands on Howie’s arse.“It’s like 100 degrees in here!” Howie agreed, laughing easily, his eyes bright.“No, I mean you – you’re so fucking hot D!” Brian grinned, his eyes darting from Howie’s eyes, down to his mouth and back up again.“Shut up!  You’re drunk!” Howie laughed, his hips close to Brian’s as they danced to the song.“You’ll still be hot in the morning but I, my friend, will be sober!” Brian smirked, pushing his hips a little harder against Howie’s.Howie threw his head back and laughed.  “Oh my god, are you using a line on me?!” He laughed.“Dunno, is it working?!” Brian grinned.“Well, I mean, it could do…” Howie winked easily.***Nick and Kevin skidded to a halt. “Fuck!” Kevin cried as Nick bumped into his back behind him.“Oh my god!  Are you seeing what I’m seeing?!” Nick cried with laughter as he saw Brian and Howie making out on the floor, their hips still grinding against each other’s.





	Dare to Believe

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another one - I'm writing like a trojan at the moment! All of my ideas are coming from Shniam at the moment, and most of these are writing themselves! Thanks to everyone whose left kudos feedback on the other stuff I've written, it makes such a huge difference to know people are reading and enjoying my stories!

“Oh come on, he’s so fucking oblivious to attention, he wouldn’t even realise!” AJ grinned at Brian as the car pulled up outside a club they were visiting in New York that evening. Kevin, Nick and Howie were all in a separate car.  
“No! I mean, isn’t it just a bit cruel to hit on him for no reason?!” Brian laughed as they climbed out of the car.  
“It’s just Howie man, he won’t care! He won’t even fucking know!” AJ grinned, slapping Brian on the shoulder as they walked straight inside.

*** 

An hour later, AJ had plied Brian with a fair amount of shots.  
“Come on, how good does he look out there, dancing away? Have you noticed how he isn’t even seeing people hit on him? He’s dancing that gorgeous little ass off and has no idea how many people are drooling over him!”  
“He notices, he just doesn’t want to take anyone home.” Brian grinned.  
AJ peered at Brian. “And why do you think that is?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Because they’re women?” Brian suggested with a grin.  
“Bingo, we have a winner! I just wanna see what would happen if a guy hits on him in a club, that’s all.”

Brian looked at AJ. “Then why aren’t you doing it?”  
“And incur the wrath of Carter?” AJ scoffed. “No, thank you very much! I’d like to keep my balls.”  
Brian rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know what you two are playing at – are you still just fucking around, after all this time, or are you actually gonna grow a pair and tell him you want more?” Brian smirked.  
AJ glared at Brian warningly. “Tonight isn’t about me and Nick. It’s about you hitting on Howie.”  
“Which I still feel is completely unnecessary!”  
“Fun Brian, fun!” AJ reminded him with a grin.

*** 

Brian grinned as Howie made his way over to the bar a little while later as AJ smirked at Brian, disappearing onto the dance floor with Nick.  
“Alright?! You look like you’re having a good time down there.” Brian winked at Howie, nudging him with his elbow.  
“Fuck, people are insane tonight, right?! Crazier than normal!” Howie grinned, ordering beer and tequila for them both.  
“It’s the summer heat! Gets everyone a bit crazy.” Brian commented as the drinks were put in front of them.  


“Well, here’s to crazy!” Howie said, picking up his beer, downing it fast before grabbing the tequila and knocking it back whilst Brian was still half way through his beer. Howie pressed a sloppy kiss to Brian’s forehead before he headed back to the dance floor.  


Brian watched as Howie disappeared. He was still amazed that after 25 years in the business, Howie still didn’t know when he was being hit on because he felt it only happened to the other 4, not him and therefore when it did happen, he just didn’t realise.  


Brian was fed up of being the sensible one. Yes, he’d got married young and had a baby young, but he was free and single now and fuck it, if AJ bet he couldn’t hit on Howie, he was going to show AJ how wrong he was.  


He finished his beer, knocked back the tequila and followed Howie down to the dance floor.

*** 

“Hello.” Howie smiled at Brian as he slid between Howie and a girl who gave him a filthy look. “What’cha doing?” He asked as Brian wrapped his arms around Howie’s neck.  
“I wanted to dance with you, that’s ok, isn’t it?” Brian smiled.  
Howie grinned and nodded. “Of course it is!”

*** 

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Kevin grumbled to himself, looking around for Nick and AJ – wherever one was, the other was always to be found. He eventually found them in a corner in the VIP area, making out like their lives depended on it. “Oi, you two! We’ve got a situation!” He hollered over the music, grabbing the collar of Nick’s shirt and dragging him away from AJ.  
“What the fuck…!” Nick complained.  
“Brian and Howie are dirty dancing.” Kevin replied.  
AJ’s eyes widened with laughter as he raced off towards the dance floor.

*** 

“You look so hot.” Brian mumbled in Howie’s ear, his hands on Howie’s arse. He wasn’t entirely sure how this had started, but he thought it was when somebody had bumped into them and Howie had grabbed Brian to stop him falling and Brian’s hands had just stayed on Howie’s arse since then and now Justin Timberlake’s “Filthy” was playing, and he was just dancing in time to the music, that was all. 

“It’s like 100 degrees in here!” Howie agreed, laughing easily, his eyes bright.  
“No, I mean you – you’re so fucking hot D!” Brian grinned, his eyes darting from Howie’s eyes, down to his mouth and back up again.  
“Shut up! You’re drunk!” Howie laughed, his hips close to Brian’s as they danced to the song.  
“You’ll still be hot in the morning but I, my friend, will be sober!” Brian smirked, pushing his hips a little harder against Howie’s.  
Howie threw his head back and laughed. “Oh my god, are you using a line on me?!” He laughed.  
“Dunno, is it working?!” Brian grinned.  
“Well, I mean, it could do…” Howie winked easily.

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. One moment, Brian’s hands were resting on Howie’s arse and the next, they were at the back of his neck and Brian found that he was leaning forward to kiss Howie. There was a split second look of surprise from Howie before their lips met and then time sped up as they started kissing.

*** 

Nick and Kevin skidded to a halt. “Fuck!” Kevin cried as Nick bumped into his back behind him.  
“Oh my god! Are you seeing what I’m seeing?!” Nick cried with laughter as he saw Brian and Howie making out on the floor, their hips still grinding against each other’s.  
“AJ!” Kevin yelled over the music. “Stop them!” He ordered as AJ peered at him, too far away to hear what Kevin was saying.  
He turned back to the dance floor as he heard a commotion behind him and his heart almost stopped beating in his chest as he saw Brian and Howie.

The first thing he realised was that there were hundreds of camera phones pointing in the direction of Brian and Howie and then he saw that there was a couple of photographers who were clicking away furiously – they’d not normally be allowed in a club, but management had wanted a few good shots for promotional use so they’d been let in.

“Oh fuck me.” AJ groaned, making his way through the crowd. He pushed Brian and Howie apart roughly, grabbing their wrists and pulling them through the cheering crowds of people.

*** 

“Right, you in that car, you in the other.” Kevin barked at Howie and Brian. Howie was hanging off Brian’s shoulder, a stupid glazed grin over his face and Brian was just stood there looking defiant.  
“No! Let them stay together!” Nick cried, slinging his arms around the pair of them.  
“You, pipe down. Get in the car with Howie. Brian, you’re coming with me and AJ.” Kevin told them, grabbing Brian’s wrist and dragging them apart.  
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Kevin asked Brian as the car sped away. “There is no fucking way we can contain this!”  
“Contain what?” Brian asked, his speech a little slurred as he shut his eyes.  
“Fuck, how much has he had to drink?” Kevin asked AJ.

AJ shrugged. “I know they were both drinking tequila and beer earlier.” He shrugged. “I think this might be my fault.” He admitted, knowing that Kevin was going to lose his mind, but he’d rather get the bollocking over and done with now than wait until the morning.

Kevin peered at AJ. “How is this your fault?” He asked, rolling his eyes as he heard Brian start snoring.  
“I may have bet Brian to hit on Howie?” AJ suggested.  
“What the fuck, dude?! Why?!”  
“Because Howie’s a little bit gone for Brian, you know that and I thought it would be fun! Howie is so dense when it comes to people hitting on him, I wanted to see if he’d notice if Brian did it!”

Kevin kicked the seat in front of him. “Well, I think it’s fairly fucking safe to say that he noticed alright! God, there were hundreds of people in there taking photos and videos, there’s no fucking way we can contain this.” He groaned, holding his head in his hands. “What the fuck were you thinking?! How are we gonna spin this?!” 

*** 

Brian woke the next morning to the sound of his phone going completely mental. He groaned, flinching against the sun that was streaming into the room. Whenever he’d got to bed the night before, whoever had put him to bed obviously hadn’t shut the curtains. Squeezing his eyes shut, he picked up his phone and then peered at it. 

There were so many notifications that his phone just told him he had 75 unread iMessages and 46 WhatsApp messages, plus he seemed to be tagged in about a million Instagram photographs.

Frowning, he unlocked his phone and went to his messages. He scrolled briefly, wondering why so many messages were in capital letters, before he saw AJ’s name.  
“Fuck me man! Me and Nick have been doing that for years, but in dark fucking corners and we’ve never been caught! I can’t believe that you got caught first time around!”

“What the…” Brian wondered out loud, dragging himself up into a sitting position and was just about to open another message when there was a knock on the door and the sound of it being opened.  
“Bri?” Brian heard Nick calling him. “Where you at?”  
“In…fuck…in bed.” Brian called out, his voice extremely hoarse.

Nick appeared in the doorway, the biggest grin on his face. “Wow, well fuck me you’re a dark horse!” He clapped slowly.  
“What?” Brian asked. “Why is my phone blowing up?” He asked.  
Nick’s face dropped. “You don’t remember?” He asked worriedly.  
“Remember what?” Brian asked, grabbing a bottle of water and downing the whole thing as Nick passed him a newspaper. 

Brian threw the water bottle down and picked up the paper. As he shook it out, he saw the photograph on the front page. 

“What the …” He said, more to himself than Nick. “What did…?” He looked up at Nick. 

“You snogged the face off Howie last night.” Nick grinned, sitting some on the bed. “Can’t believe you don’t remember!”

Brian just looked between Nick and the paper in utter disbelief. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” He asked. 

Nick frowned at him. “No. Why would it be?”  
“Oh my god. I think I’m gonna be sick.” Brian mumbled, staggering out of bed and across the room to the bathroom. 

Nick followed worriedly. “Hey, you ok?” He asked, dampening a flannel with some cold water and pressing it to Brian’s forehead as he dry heaved over the toilet. 

“Why the fuck did I snog Howie?” Brian asked, his voice breaking.  
“I assume because you wanted to?” Nick asked, crouching down beside Brian.  
“I never wanted to kiss him before!”  
“Ah. So, you’re not harbouring any secret feelings for him?” Nick asked as Brian’s knees gave out and he sat down.  
“No! None at all! I was just drunk!”

Nick nodded. “Ok. Look, will you be ok for a minute, I just need to …” Nick trailed off, disappearing without finishing his sentence. 

*** 

“He doesn’t remember.” Nick told Kevin as he bumped into him outside of Brian’s room.  
“What do you mean, he doesn’t remember?”  
“I showed him the paper and he looked as shocked as anyone. When I asked, he said he didn’t remember, he’s never wanted to kiss Howie before!”  
Kevin let out a low breath as he closed his eyes. “Fuck, what a fucking mess. AJ and his big bloody mouth. Don’t.” He warned Nick as he opened his eyes to find Nick smirking. “You wanna go and check on Howie, or should I?”  
Nick sighed. “I’ll do it. Think you need to go and have a word with Brian.” Nick grimaced. “Good luck.”

*** 

“Hey, how you doing?” Nick asked as Howie opened the door. Nick’s heart sank as he saw Howie had a huge grin on his face.  
“Not too bad! Head is surprisingly ok!” Howie laughed as he stepped to one side, letting Nick in. “You alright?” He asked, noticing how tense Nick looked.  
“So, you’ve seen the papers, right?” Nick asked cautiously.  
Howie nodded. “Yeah. Why?” He replied, starting to look worried.  
“Do you remember much of last night?” Nick asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, legs wide as he rested his elbows on his knees.  
Howie smiled. “Yeah. I remember.”

Nick let out a breath. “Brian doesn’t. I mean, I showed him the papers so he knows now but he didn’t remember.” He said gently.  
The smile on Howie’s face completely disappeared. “Oh.” He said, sitting down next to Nick. “Well, I mean, he was quite drunk…” He shrugged. “How weirded out was he?” He asked in a small voice, his hands twisting nervously in his lap.

Nick grimaced. “Fairly. He was sick, but like, I’m 99% sure that was the alcohol, not because of you.” He said quickly.  
Howie stood up. “It’s ok, one of those drunken nights I guess. I’m fine.” He told Nick without any conviction in his voice. “I’m fine.” He said, holding up a hand to silence Nick as he started to say something. “I er, I’m gonna have a shower.” He said, disappearing into the bathroom.

*** 

Kevin was sat on the edge of the bed when Brian came out of the bathroom a few minutes after he’d let himself in.  
“How you feeling?” Kevin asked.  
“Like death.” Brian replied, flopping down onto the bed.  
“Kinda serves you right.” Kevin said, one eyebrow raised.  
“What the fuck did I do last night?” Brian asked, looking at his cousin for help.  
“I can’t believe you don’t remember.” Kevin sighed. He opened his phone, found one of the hundreds of links that he’d been sent and handed the phone to Brian.

Brian watched in open mouthed horror as he practically devoured Howie in the middle of the club.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” He asked quietly.  
“You think we let this happen?! No, I saw the two of you dancing and was worried about where it was going, so went to find Nick and AJ - and you know what the two of them are like in a club, fucking impossible to find, I don’t even know why they come out with us when they spend all night snogging - and then when we got to you, you’d already started kissing him.”  
“I kissed him first?” Brian asked.  
“By all accounts, yeah.”

There was a knock at the door before Brian could reply.

“Management are here. You’d better get dressed.” Kevin told him, standing up.

*** 

“I’m sorry, what?” AJ asked in disbelief as they sat with their management team in Kevin’s room.  
“Your popularity has literally soared over night. The new single has gone back to number one, Instagram followers for the group have gone up, and Howie’s followers have nearly trebled.” Sally explained.

Howie looked at her in disbelief. “No. I don’t believe you.” He said, glancing up as he heard the door opening and Brian shuffled in.

“Nice of you to join us.” AJ winked at Brian, who walked straight over to Howie and crouched down by him.  
“Can I talk to you?” He said quietly.  
Howie looked at the others and Kevin nodded. “Two minutes.” He insisted as Howie pushed his chair back. 

Howie followed Brian into the bathroom and shut the door. “Morning.”  
“I’m so sorry I don’t remember.” Brian said.  
“Fuck, your voice sounds wrecked.” Howie said, concern in his own voice. “And hey, you were drunk, we’ve all done that before!” He laughed hollowly. “I’m sorry too.” He shrugged.

Brian frowned at him. “What for?”  
“I mean, I knew you were drunk - fuck, I thought I was but you must have been worse than me. I shouldn’t have...I should have stopped you.”  
“We ok?” Brian asked.

Howie scoffed. “Of course, why wouldn’t we be?” He smiled as Brian hugged him in relief.

*** 

“I’m sorry, you want us to do what?” Howie asked, wondering if he’d misheard.  
“We want you to go public.” Sally smiled at him, glancing over at Brian who looked like he was going to be sick again.  
“With what, exactly?” Nick asked for them both.  
“Your relationship.” 

AJ cackled so hard, he clutched his sides. “Oh my god, you’re fucking serious?! Oh, you couldn’t make this shit up!”

Kevin squeezed his eyes together and looked at Sally. “They aren’t in a relationship.” He tried to explain.  
“We know that, we assume if you guys were, we’d know about it.” Sally replied gently. “But honestly guys, your popularity has rocketed and we want to take advantage of that.”  
“By parading us around as a gay couple?!” Howie asked, finally finding his voice.  
“Yes. You don’t have to do it for long - few weeks, maximum.”  
“No fucking way.” Brian said determinedly.  
“You want to explain to your fans it was a dare?” Sally challenged Brian.

Howie looked up from where he’d been staring at the table, the colour drained out of his face. “It was a what?” He asked.

AJ looked uncharacteristically nervous. “I, I just wanted to see if you’d realise when you’re getting hit on.” He mumbled as Nick looked at AJ horrified. “Turns out you do.” He tried to make a joke of it.

Howie stared at AJ before he got up. “You are fucking unbelievable. No puedo creer que me hicieras eso!” He cried in Spanish. “Sabes cómo me siento sobre ...!” He trailed off before he stormed out of the room.

Kevin looked at Sally and the rest of her team. “Can you give us some time please? We need to all have a talk about this.” He asked her.

Sally agreed, but as she left, she took him to one side. “This isn’t negotiable Kevin. We have to maximise on this.” She told him sternly.  
“And you guys have to remember it’s our careers - we pay you, we don’t have to do anything we aren’t comfortable with and there’s no fucking way I can see this being something either of them will either consider.” He told her just as angrily.

As soon as the door was shut behind their team, Kevin rounded on AJ. “You absolute fucking moron!” He roared angrily.

Nick stood up. “I had nothing to do with this, so I’m gonna check on Howie.” He said and disappeared before Kevin had a chance to stop him.

“Why, hmm? Why did you dare Brian?” Kevin snapped.  
“I thought it’d be fun! Come on! We always joke about how he never realises when he’s being hit on!” AJ tried to defend himself, although he knew he was in the wrong and any argument he had was going to be feeble.  
“But Brian? You dared Brian?!” Kevin cried. “Fuck.” He said, more to himself. 

Brian looked at AJ. “Am I missing something?” He asked.

Kevin rolled his eyes at the ceiling, feeling almost as dramatic as Nick could be. “Are you serious?”  
“Howie has … he’s had a thing for you for a bit.” AJ shrugged, not meeting Brian’s eyes.  
“What? A thing?” Brian asked in disbelief. “Like…?” He trailed off, not sure if they meant what he thought they did.  
“He’s got a crush on you and I thought you might feel the same.” AJ said.  
“What the fuck?! How the hell did you think that I might feel the same?!” Brian snapped.

AJ shook his head. “OK, I’m sorry, I was wrong.” He said quietly.  
“See Aje, this is what happens when you play with other people’s lives. Just sort your own fucking life out and stop fucking up other people’s. I’m so…” Kevin began.  
“Yes, disappointed, I get it.” AJ said in frustration. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dared you.” He apologised to Brian.

Brian smiled tightly. “I mean, it’s not entirely your doing - you weren’t the one who got blind drunk and kissed him. That was all me. I just didn’t know.” Brian shrugged. “Fuck, is he ok?” 

“Nick will make sure he is.” Kevin sighed. “Fuck, when did Carter get to be one of the sensible ones?” He said to himself more than AJ and Brian.

Brian watched as AJ got up. “I need to go and find Howie, and apologise.” AJ said, leaving Brian and Kevin alone.

*** 

Nick wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Howie as angry as he was right now. He was pacing around his room, muttering under his breath in a mixture of English and Spanish.

“They’re gonna make us do this stupid stunt thing, aren’t they?” He suddenly asked Nick.  
Nick shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, you heard what they said about the numbers.”  
“But it’s not real, is it? I mean, it was a drunken snog, can’t we just brush it off as that?” Howie asked as there was a knock at the door.

“Hey.” AJ said, letting himself in. “Are you ok?”  
“You have got some fucking nerve.” Howie said angrily and Nick stepped between the two of them.  
“I hope you’re here to apologise.” Nick asked AJ.  
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do Carter, you’re not the boss of me.” AJ snapped.

Nick turned to Howie. “He’s all yours.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and glaring at AJ, hurt at AJ's words.

*** 

“I’ll do it. If we have to do it, I’ll be Howie’s beard.” Brian said to Kevin.  
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Kevin replied. “Anyway, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”  
He looked up as he heard the door opening and Howie, Nick and AJ walked in. “Hey. You ok dude?” Kevin asked Howie.

“Yeah. Just, I mean, I should be used to AJ’s fuckery by now, shouldn’t I?” Howie said, barely glancing over at Brian.  
“Well, yeah, probably!” Kevin laughed.  
“AJ has something to say, don’t you?” Nick prompted AJ.

AJ glared murderously at Nick before he looked at Brian and then Howie. “I’m really fucking sorry, it was just meant to be a bit of fun, I mean, I couldn’t have foreseen the two of you snogging, could I?!” He tried to defend himself.

Brian smiled. “Well, no, that’s true, that was unexpected!” He agreed.  
“What are we going to do about this PR thing then?” AJ asked.

Howie and Brian looked at each and Howie shrugged. “I dunno.” He said honestly. “I mean, come on, we’re in our 40s and they still want us to stunt like this?”

Nick put his hand up. “Still in my 30’s, thanks!” He reminded them and Kevin fondly cuffed the back of Nick’s head.

“The song went back to Number 1 on iTunes.” Kevin told them both, having got a message about it a little while ago. “I mean, it was riding pretty high anyway, but … there’s a lot of support about it all.”  
“For something that isn’t real.” Brian reminded him.  
“I know. But it’s kinda nice to see - boybands have never had guys able to really come out before."

Howie looked at Kevin. “But we’re not out. We don’t need to come out!”

Four sets of eyes looked at him, some incredulously. 

“Fine, I can come out, but it’s not very fair to out Brian because if we did that, and we ‘broke up’” he emphasised with his hands, “then he’s gonna get stick for it.”  
“Why would I get abuse for it? What if you dumped me?” Brian asked.  
Howie threw his hands up in the air and walked to the nearest wall, banging his head off it.  
“I think what Howie means is that if he comes out, he stays out. What if you ‘come out’” Nick emphasised, “and then met a woman and got back in the closet, so to speak? Then you’re gonna get abuse.” He said.  
“Well, seeing as how I’ve only been single for a little while after Leigh and I broke up, I can’t see me meeting another woman that soon, can you?” Brian argued back.  
“But it’ll look like you’re dating Howie.” AJ reminded him.

They all started talking over each other until Kevin raised his hands, signalling for them all to stop.

“What if we just don’t deny it? What about, when we leave the hotel later, we have Howie and Brian walk out together, maybe Howie’s arm slung around Brian’s shoulder, but we don’t say anything publically?” He suggested.  
Brian nodded. “That could work. D?”

Howie shrugged. “I guess.” He agreed.  
“We’re hardly a hands-off kind of band.” Nick said. “We just make sure they sit together in interviews, that kind of thing.”  
“But management need to make it 100% clear to whoever is interviewing us that nobody is allowed to ask any questions.” AJ pitched in.  
“Yep, especially when we are live.” Kevin agreed. “So, we’re agreed? We don’t confirm or deny? See where it takes us?” He asked Brian and Howie who both nodded.

*** 

“Ready?” Kevin asked as the van pulled up outside the radio station that they were being interviewed at. “As we’ll ever be!” Brian laughed, grabbing Howie’s hand playfully.

Nick climbed out of the van first, followed by AJ. They’d expected a few fans, the die hard ones that were always at these things, but Nick and AJ exchanged a look as they realised there were far more fans than normal.

“Shit, this could get loud.” AJ muttered in Nick’s ear as he turned away from the crowd of fans, the noise levels already going up.

He poked his head back in the van. “Hope you brought ear plugs!” He grinned at the others as Howie jumped out of the van, quickly followed by Brian.

Nick flinched at the screams, glancing over his shoulder at Howie and Brian. Brian was right behind Howie, his hand on Howie’s shoulder as he grinned and raised a hand at the crowds who were screaming for them to go over, but Kevin got out last and steered them inside.

*** 

“Well, that went well!” Nick laughed as the studio doors closed behind them, drowning out the noise.  
“We haven’t had a reception like that in ages!” Howie agreed. “See, sometimes drunken kisses do good things!” He grinned at Brian.

Kevin was with the station manager, reiterating very clearly that the photos from last night were firmly off the table and if anyone mentioned them, they’d leave and wouldn’t approve the interview. The station manager looked a little in awe of Kevin and was nodding in agreement.

*** 

As they were shown into the small studio where the recording was going to be recorded, there was music from the live radio show being playing through the speakers.

There were 5 stools, 2 at the front and 3 at the back. Nick immediately rearranged them were so there 2 at the back and 3 at the front because if Nick and Kevin sat at front, they could shield Howie and Brian a little and AJ could sit between Nick and Kevin as he was shorter than them.

Brian put his hand on Howie’s lower back, ushering him into the room. As Howie sat down, Brian frowned a little hearing a familiar song on the radio speakers.

He froze as something popped into his mind from the night before. He’d deliberately not looked at anything online other than the one photo that he’d seen that morning, so he knew what he was remembering was from his own hazy mind.

AJ grinned at Brian, knowing that Filthy had been playing when he’d torn Brian and Howie apart and Brian’s cheeks flamed red.

“What?” Howie asked, seeing the look between AJ and Brian.  
“I...nothing.” Brian lied, shaking his head, trying to remove the images from his mind.

When the interview started a few minutes later, Howie couldn’t help but keep glancing over at Brian. They were sat together on the taller stools at the back and Brian still looked a bit freaked out. Nick, Kevin and AJ were doing a great job of answering all the questions and so far, nothing awkward had come up but Howie could definitely tell something was up with Brian.

*** 

“Ok, what’s wrong with you?” Kevin asked when they got back to the hotel later on. “I thought you were on board with not confirming or denying anything?” He asked.  
“I am. I just...I remembered a bit from last night, that’s all.” He replied, kicking his trainers off.  
“Oh. What did you remember?”

Brian glanced up at Kevin. “I remember kissing Howie.”  
Kevin shrugged. “That’s ok, isn’t it? I mean, you saw the photo.”  
“I remember how good it felt.” Brian admitted in a quiet voice.

Kevin smirked a little and sat down beside his cousin. “Oh.” He smiled. “Is that a bad thing?”  
“Well, it’s kinda unexpected!” Brian cried, holding his head in his hands. “Fuck. This is all AJ’s fault!” He sighed.  
“Well…” Kevin began and Brian glared at him. “Wait! Ok, I mean, we all do things we kinda want to do when we’re a bit drunk because the drink gives us a bit of Dutch courage, doesn’t it?”

“I know I’ve never thought about kissing Howie before!” Brian replied hotly.  
“Doesn’t mean you didn’t want to though. Maybe there’s been this yearning for Howie in you for years that’s only just coming to the surface now!” Kevin teased, winking.

“You’re not fucking helping! Come on, you’re supposed to be the sensible one!”  
“Ok, would you want to do it again?” Kevin asked.  
“No!” Brian cried.  
“Ok, then I don’t see what the problem is.” Kevin replied honestly.  
“It just feels weird, deceiving people.” Brian said.  
“We aren’t deceiving anyone. We haven’t said anything about it.” Kevin reminded him.  
“We are deceiving them by not saying anything!” Brian said.  
“Look, it was one drunken snog in a nightclub. There’s no need to be so dramatic about it - you’re not Nick.” Kevin grinned.

Brian chuckled. “Nobody could be more dramatic than him!” He agreed. 

*** 

“I just want you to know,” a guy said to Brian and Howie at their meet and greet later that evening, before the radio show, “that it’s really helped a lot of people.” 

Howie grinned. “I’m glad.” He said, giving the guy a quick hug.  
Brian smiled but didn’t say anything as Nick swiftly started talking to the guy, seeing that Brian was a little uncomfortable.

“Do you really think what we did is helping people?” Brian asked Howie later, before they went on stage.  
Howie frowned at Brian. “Absolutely. Can’t believe you think it wouldn’t.” He replied.  
“It was a drunken snog.” Brian countered.  
Howie shrugged. “But it looked like it was more than that - if it helps one person feel more comfortable in their skin, then it was totally worth this hassle.”

Brian looked at Howie, not sure which comment to approach first. “It looked like more?” He asked.  
“Yeah, kinda. On video at least.” Howie commented, looking away from Brian to fiddle with his already perfectly sorted out microphone pack.  
“You’ve seen a video?” Brian asked.

Howie looked back at Brian. “Haven’t you?”  
“No, I…” Brian ran his hand through his short hair. “I didn’t, yet.” He said. “How did it look then?”  
“Just...more, I guess.” Howie blushed. “You kinda need to see it to understand it.”

“I’m sorry this is a hassle.” Brian said, changing the subject to the other comment Howie had made.  
Howie shook his head. “It’s not really, don’t worry about it, we’ve all been on the end of hassle from AJ!” He grinned.

Brian smiled. “That’s true! Wish he’d concentrate on himself instead of getting the rest of us into fucking trouble!”  
“Ah, but then he’d have to admit to having feelings for Nick, something he’s been repressing for at least 5 years, if not longer, and then he’d actually have to talk to Nick about it…” Howie grinned.  
“That’s true - not that Nick’s ever gonna turn him down.” Brian added.  
“Exactly. I mean, we can all see this, but apparently they can’t!”

*** 

The show went much better than any of them could have anticipated. It was a summer show, so was outdoors but if the roof could have been raised, then it absolutely would have been the moment that they appeared on the stage, much more so than previous nights. Whenever Brian and Howie went anywhere near each other, the screams got even louder and the amount of signs and banners in the audience made it very clear that their fans were staying loyal and they seemed to have even more male fans in the audience than normal.

*** 

When they finally got back to the hotel, Brian was the first to excuse himself for the night.

He pottered around his suite, changing slowly in a pair of sleep shorts, brushing his teeth carefully and then doing 100 press ups on the floor, doing them slowly and deep, glistening with sweat by the time he’d finished. 

He briefly wondered whether he should shower, but truth be told, he was avoiding getting into bed because he knew damn well that once he did, he was going searching for the video that Howie had talked about. There was a part of him that didn’t want to see the video, hence the procrastination, but there was another part of him that really wanted to see what Howie had meant about how it had looked more than just a drunken snog.

Eventually he knew that he couldn’t put it off any longer. He climbed into bed, making sure his alarm was on and turned off the light over his bed. Sitting up in bed, he stared at the dark screen of his phone in his hand. All he had to do was put the phone down…

Unlocking his phone, he found the Instagram app and messed about on there for a few moments, scrolling through his feed, catching up on the people he followed before he found the magnifying glass icon. 

He didn’t even need to search for the video, or the photographs. In his suggestions was one video. As he glanced down, he saw that there seemed to be several others.

He opened the first one and his breath caught in his throat. 

The camera was facing him, over Howie’s shoulder and his eyes were closed. His arms were wrapped around Howie’s neck and it looked as though he was kissing Howie as though his life depended on it. It looked desperate and needy and their bodies were pressed together tightly.

He let out a small cough of a noise as the next video started, this time it was almost the opposite angle, watching Howie over Brian’s shoulder but the person had captured the moment before they’d started kissing and Brian was shocked to see that his hands had been firmly on Howie’s arse before they’d kissed. The look on Howie’s face was stunning, shock mixed with lust and Brian inadvertently let out a gasp as he saw himself rock his hips into Howie’s as they started kissing.

“Fuck…” He breathed, feeling his cock become very interested in what Brian was watching. He shifted awkwardly on the bed, another video was loading. 

It was much like the first, but was zoomed in as far as, Brian presumed, the camera had allowed. 

He’d never watched himself kiss someone before and he was shocked at just how into it he was. He’d moved one hand from around Howie’s neck and was holding the back of Howie’s head. 

He glanced over the top of his phone, seeing the unmistakable bulge under the thin sheet he was lying under. 

In frustration, he threw the phone down, willing his erection away but when he closed his eyes, all he could see was how he’d been kissing Howie. 

Growling in frustration, he grabbed his phone back up, the same video still playing on a loop. Switching the phone to his left hand, he slid his right hand under the sheet. 

His fingers toyed with the string of his sleep shorts which were slung low on his hips. His left scrolled to another video - they were all more or less the same now, but just from different angles and Howie was right, it looked so much more than a drunken snog. 

He gasped as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his stomach lurching as the next video started and the sound was much better on this one - the camera was further away and presumably further away from a speaker and Brian could hear Filthy playing clearly. 

His breathing quickened as his hand sped up under the sheet, a little precome pooling at his tip and he used his hand to slick it down his cock. He watched as he ground his hips against Howie’s on the video, his hand faster with each stroke. 

The video ended as AJ appeared, blocking the camera’s view of Brain and Howie and Brian cursed into the silent room, his back arched as he restarted the video, mesmerised by how their bodies fitted so well together. 

He came moments later, an image of Howie behind his closed eyes as the song played on the video. 

Panting, he dropped his phone, grimacing as he brought his dirty hand out from under the sheet, wiping it a little. 

He climbed out of bed and padded to the bathroom. He switched on the small overhead light and turned the tap on, washing his hands thoroughly as he looked at himself in the mirror, idly wondering if it would be evident on his face that he’d just jerked off to a video of him kissing one of his best friends. 

*** 

“Dude?” AJ said, nudging Brian in the ribs with his elbows. “You gotta stop drooling.” He teased Brian. 

Brian’s cheeks flamed red. “What?” He said, pleading ignorance. 

“You have the same look on your face that you had when I had to drag you both out of the club.” AJ smirked.  
“I, I don’t remember…” Brian stammered.  
“You look like you want to devour him.” AJ said, an eyebrow raised. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Brian said weakly.  
“Then stop staring at him. Honestly bro, it’s kinda embarrassing!” He smirked, pushing up off his knees and walking away. 

Brian glared at AJ’s retreating body before he found his gaze was back on Howie. 

Since getting off to the videos of him and Howie the night before, Brian was having a very difficult time concentrating. Well, no, that wasn’t true - he was 100% concentrating on watching Howie, but on absolutely nothing else.

When he’d bumped into Howie that morning on their way down to breakfast, he knew he’d be a bit embarrassed about what he’d done the previous evening, but what he hadn’t expected was to watch Howie’s mouth, and more specifically, his lips so much. 

*** 

Later that evening, after yet another round of interviews, this time a live radio one and much nervousness from both Brian and Howie about what the interviewers were clearly dying to ask them, they managed to get through the show without any event, Howie flopped down on his bed.

He knew that Brian was aware of his crush, and he was trying to make sure that he didn’t make Brian uncomfortable at all. But it was difficult. Yesterday, Brian hadn’t been too different with him. Embarrassed, yes, but still touching him the same amount as they generally all touched each other. But today, Brian had barely come near him unless he’d had to, despite the fact that Howie knew he was watching him the entire time.

Opening Twitter, Howie started reading through the thousands of mentions that he’d been tagged in over the last 36 hours. The overwhelming message was one of absolute support and there were just so many people thanking them for what they’d done and not hiding it because it had made them brave enough to come out to friends and family.

He was extremely proud of so many people, but he didn’t feel very proud of himself for what they were doing by lying. They’d lost a few fans, but gained thousands more in support and he realistically didn’t want bigoted, homophobic people following the band.

There was a part of him that wished he’d come out years ago. He was still attracted to women, but he certainly leaned towards the gay part of being bisexual. For years, management and their record label had put their foot down and said absolutely not, despite most of them being in their 40s now and surely old enough and ugly enough to deal with this but he knew that management were just looking after their brand. But if it helped one person accept who they were, then it would have been worth it.

*** 

Brian let out a long breath as he stared at the ceiling of his hotel room. All day long, he’d kept his distance from Howie physically but mentally, he hadn’t stopped thinking about him at all. 

He couldn’t understand what, in himself, had changed. He’d never had any desire or inclination to kiss Howie, or any other man, before so what changed a couple of nights ago? Why had he kissed Howie?

And the more he thought about why he’d kissed Howie, the more he found that he wanted to do it again. He wanted to find out, to remember what kissing Howie was like. 

His mind was wrestling with the whole situation. His faith was being tested to the very core and he had no idea how to resolve how he felt.

***

Kevin slung his arm around Brian as they headed to their last interview the next day. Brian had, again, been uncharacteristically quiet and Kevin was determined to get to the bottom of it.

“You doing ok?” He asked as Brian grinned up at him.  
“Yeah. Just tired. Looking forward to getting home.” Brian yawned.  
“You wanna come back to mine? For a couple of nights?” Kevin offered.  
“Nah. I kinda need to get my head straight. Been a crazy couple of days.” He smiled.  
“You and D ok?” Kevin asked.  
“I think so - it’s weird. It’ll be ok when we are back in Vegas, I’m sure.”

*** 

Nick put his arms around Brian and Howie, pulling them close as they headed to the airport after the show that night. “How is my favourite new couple?” He grinned teasingly.

Howie chuckled. “We’re good, aren’t we babe?” He grinned at Brian who smiled back. 

“Crowd loved you guys tonight. Honestly, you circle each other so much and I thought the place was gonna explode every time you went near each other! And then when you shared a mic, Christ…!” Nick laughed as they were all checked in for various flights. 

*** 

Howie sighed as he dropped his bag in his hotel room in Vegas. He’d had a couple of quiet days at home, catching up with family and friends but he was glad to get back to work. 

He’d tried very hard not to think about Brian over the last couple of days. They’d exchanged the odd message, but things were a little different between them - usually they’d call each other at least once. 

Although it wasn’t a conversation he particularly wanted to have, he knew that after the show, he and Brian needed to sit down and talk this through because the last thing he wanted was for it to ruin their friendship. 

*** 

Brian was running through the backstage area, waiting to go on stage, his energy levels through the roof as he screeched as Nick chased him. 

“Fuck off Carter!” He breathed heavily, leaning down on his knees as Nick finally caught him up and jumped on his back, sending the pair of them to the floor in a heap. 

“Ok! Carter! Stop manhandling my man!” Howie grinned as he helped Brian off the floor.  
“Yeah! Howie will protect me, won’t you?!” Brian laughed, his heart beating a little faster and it having nothing to do with Nick having chased him. He stood behind Howie, his hands on his shoulders as he peered around at Nick, a huge smirk on his face.  
“Yeah, whatever, I could take both of you!” Nick scoffed, jumping in surprise when Kevin slapped his shoulder. 

Howie and Brian burst out laughing as Nick put his hands over his heart in mock surprise. 

“Fuck, you scared me!” Nick laughed at Kevin.  
“Ready? 2 minutes.” He told them. “Anyone seen AJ?”  
“Think he’s still in the dressing room.” Nick replied casually. “I’ll go chase him up.” He told them, walking away. 

The other three watched Nick go. 

“Do you think he even realises?” Brian asked.  
“That he’s in love with AJ?” Kevin asked. “Nah. They’re both totally oblivious!”

*** 

As they waited to go on stage, it having taken Nick a suspiciously long 10 minutes to find AJ, Brian stood close to Howie. He hated the distance he’d inadvertently put between them and found that he didn’t feel quite as anxious the closer he was. 

“You smell good.” He said to Howie without thinking.  
Howie grinned at him. “Thanks. Just usual aftershave.” He told Brian with a shrug.  
“Suits you. Smells good.” Brian said again, wishing his brain to mouth filter would work. 

As the music started, they all got into place. 

Brian always liked the show down part of their show after their energetic start of Larger Than Life. They did 3 energy fuelled songs and dance routines and then were able to sit for 3 songs. 

Brian sang his last note of Drowning and realised that for the last two songs, he hadn’t looked away from Howie. He shook himself, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed to find Nick and Kevin smirking at him, nudging each other like 12 year olds. 

Brian stuck his tongue out at them and rolled his eyes as AJ talked to the crowd and Brian deliberately avoided Howie’s gaze. 

Safest Place To Hide started and Brian closed his eyes, singing each and every word with passion. As his verse finished, he glanced over at Howie who was watching him, looking like there was nobody else around them. 

Brian couldn’t take his eyes off Howie. He swallowed down a lump in his throat as their eyes locked and … well, Brian had always known how amazing Howie’s voice was but tonight, perhaps with the emotions of the last few days and the smell of Howie’s aftershave which Brian could smell despite AJ sitting between them, tonight there was something different. It was like he was hearing Howie’s raw emotion in the song for the first time. 

When the song ended, AJ elbowed him with a grin on his face and Brian looked up at him questioningly. 

“Come on dude, change time!” AJ laughed. 

Brian climbed off his stool, following Howie off stage as he laughed about something with Kevin. 

As they got to the small wardrobe area off stage, Brian grabbed Howie’s hand and dragged him away from the other three. 

“What’s …” Howie began but was cut off when Brian yanked their bodies together and he pressed his mouth to Howie’s. 

Howie made a noise of surprise and Brian took the opportunity to part his own mouth, his tongue sliding against Howie’s and Brian felt, rather than heard, the moan reverberate around Howie’s body. 

Brian kissed Howie hard and fast, feeling like his heart might beat right out of his chest and then he heard Nick yell. 

“Oi! Stop making out over there and fucking get changed!” He hollered, a huge smile on his face as he chucked Howie’s trousers in their direction. 

“Later.” Howie breathed as he pulled away, pressing his forehead to Brian’s.  
“Yeah?” Brian replied.  
“Yeah.”

“For fuck’s sake you two, get a move on!” Nick yelled again as the music changed. “Honestly, they’re worse than us!” Nick laughed, smacking the back of his hand against AJ’s chest before he ran back on stage, knowing he had to fill whilst Howie and Brian got changed. 

***

Howie wasn’t sure how it was possible, but he and Brian watched and circled each other more than they had at the start of the show. He’d been so surprised when Brian had kissed him backstage and all he could keep thinking was that Brian must’ve wanted it because he was sober and sought him out deliberately. 

***

“Wait, wait…” Brian panted, later that evening. He and Howie has locked themselves away in Howie’s room since they’d got back to the hotel and Brian never, ever thought he’d be so comfortable kissing another guy but he was getting more and more turned on the more they kissed. 

“If I don’t stop kissing you, I’m not gonna be able to stop.” He murmured into Howie’s ear.  
“And why is that a problem?” Howie smirked.  
“I…” Brian stopped. He opened his mouth to try again and but Howie shook his head.  
“It’s ok, it doesn’t have to be anything more than this. I mean, would I like to?” He asked, looking Brian straight in the eye “Yes, fuck, very much yes, but I know you, and you know, your faith…” Howie smiled softly. 

Brian just stared at Howie, his breathing still hard on his chest. “Kinda works for AJ and Nick.” He said quietly.  
“Well, those two are fucking idiots, they don’t know what they’re doing!” Howie laughed.  
“I mean, I guess people would expect us to, right?” Brian asked, knowing he should stop right then and start talking himself out of it but knowing damn well there was no chance of that. 

Howie nodded. “Yeah, I guess they would. I mean, people saw us on the dance floor, we were pretty all over each other.”  
“And like, it would help you out.” Brian smirked, his gaze darting down to Howie’s jeans which were very tight across his groin.  
“Be doing me a favour, really…” Howie gasped as Brian ran his hand over the front of Howie’s jeans. “Fuck…” Brian breathed before he rolled onto his back, undoing his jeans and shoving them down his thighs.

Howie’s brain almost short circuited as he watched Brian push his hand into his boxers, wrapping his hand around his cock which was pushing against the thin cotton material of Brian’s boxers. 

Brian gasped as he pushed into his hand, turning his head to look at Howie who was staring at him with a slack jaw. Brian moved his head forward a little and kissed Howie again and then Howie was undoing his own jeans at record speed, shoving his hand into his own underwear and inwardly grimacing at how sticky and damp his boxers already were as he mimicked Brian’s actions.

Their kiss was breathy and bordering on desperation as they jerked themselves off, tongues sliding against the others’, little pants and gasps every so often and it was Brian who broke away first, his back arched against the bed as his body tensed before he came, covering his hand which was still inside his boxers.

Seeing how Brian looked when he came was something Howie had imagined on more than one occasion and Howie pulled his boxers down with one hand, gasping as the cool air of the room hit his cock and he groaned loudly. 

Brian watched Howie’s movements become faster, his breathing a little more erratic. Brian leant forward to kiss Howie again, his clean hand resting on the fabric of Howie’s t-shirt and he stroked absentmindedly as Howie let out a shuddery breath and Brian’s name as he came, jets of white liquid spurting up onto his black t-shirt and Brian’s hand.

He closed his eyes as his body fell onto the bed, gasping for breath and surprised when Brian kissed him hard, his tongue pushing against Howie’s.

Eventually, the kiss turned slower and Howie was the first to pull away. “Fuck me, thank you.” He murmured.  
“What for?!” Brian laughed.  
Howie frowned at him. “The orgasm?!” He laughed.  
“Oh! Well, you’re welcome.” Brian smiled, embarrassed. “You, er, called my name…” He teased Howie lightly as he wiped his hand on Howie’s t-shirt.

Howie glanced away, a smile on his face. “Wanna shower first or second?” He asked, deliberately ignoring what Brian had said.

Brian laughed. “You go, it’s your room!” 

As he heard the shower running in the bathroom, Brian kicked off his jeans, squirming a little at how disgusting his boxers felt. He shoved them down his legs, wiping himself as much as he could and he opened Howie’s suitcase, rifling through it until he found a couple of clean pairs of boxers. Slipping one pair on, he grabbed the TV remote and made himself comfortable on the bed.

*** 

Howie chuckled to himself as he walked out of the bathroom in a bathroom with just a towel around his waist to find Brian fast asleep on top of his bed. He frowned as he saw a pair of boxers on the edge of the bed and realised that Brian had stolen a pair of his.

He smiled as he pulled the spare underwear on, which he assumed that Brian had left out for him, and he dumped the towel on a nearby chair. As he climbed under the covers, Brian shuffled a little but didn’t wake up so Howie shut his eyes, a smile on his face as he drifted off into a deep sleep.

*** 

Not wanting to alert the others to the new development of kissing and orgasms, Brian and Howie kept things as normal as they could make them; they continued to circle each other on stage and sat next to each other in the cars, they spent time with the others. But they also found time to spend time together, time spent exchanging lazy kisses and the occasional hand job.

After another 3 shows in Vegas, it was time for a break, this time almost a week. Howie was going back to Florida and whilst Brian had initially decided to go back to Georgia, Kevin had talked him into spending the time with him. Nobody knew Nick and AJ’s plans and nobody was quite brave enough to bring them up.

*** 

“You ok, dude?” Kevin asked as he handed Brian a beer. They’d landed a couple of hours ago and Kevin had helped Kris get the boys into bed and was making a quick dinner in the kitchen, having shooed Kevin out to ‘talk’ to Brian.

“Yeah. Bit tired, you know?” He smiled up at his cousin, taking the beer and drinking half of it in one go.  
“Stressed?” Kevin asked in amusement as he sat down next to him.  
“Bit.” Brian agreed.  
“We can stop with this stunt if you like, if it’s making you sick?” Kevin suggested.

Brian shook his head. “That’s not it. And I hate to admit it, but management were right - it’s given us so much good press, the figures speak for themselves.” He shrugged. “I feel bad about deceiving people though.” He admitted.  
“How much exactly are you deceiving people, though?” Kevin asked, one eyebrow raised and a small smile on his face.

Brian glanced briefly at Kevin as he felt his cheeks redden a little, and was glad that he’d not shaved in a few days, hoping it would hide a little of it.

“Have you guys talked about it, like, at all? Or are you just doing what you’re doing and ignoring the elephant in the room?” Kevin eventually asked when Brian didn’t answer him. “Because, you know, I’ve already got Nick and AJ ignoring their own elephant, we might as well start a zoo if you and D are going to ignore yours.” He teased lightly.

“How much do you know?” Brian eventually asked as he finished his beer.  
“I saw you in the lift, kissing like your lives depended on it.”  
Brian nodded slowly. “Oh. That it?”

Kevin snorted, almost sending his beer everywhere. “I’m not sure I want to know what else there is!” He laughed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“It like....we’re not getting each other off, we’re getting ourselves off.” Brian said quietly as he heard Kris open a patio door behind him.  
“That’s very vanilla of you both!” Kevin laughed as Kris put a salad and a plate of steaks on the table.  
“Fuck you!” Brian laughed. 

*** 

The following evening, Kris had gone out with some girlfriends and Kevin wanted to continue the conversation from the night before.

“So, you reckon you and D will progress to getting each other off?” He asked casually as he flipped a couple of burgers on the BBQ.

Brian glared at him. “You find this hilarious, don’t you?” He asked.  
“No! Well, a little - I mean, we used to circle jerk years ago, I thought we were well over that!” Kevin chuckled, moving back as a piece of fat spat viciously at him.  
“Well, apparently we are not. And I don’t know is the honest answer.”  
“Do you want to?”  
“That’s what I don’t know. If you’d asked me two weeks ago, I was 100% straight, you know how much my faith means to me and how much I love you boys, but I never imagined anything would change any of that.”  
“You finding it hard, correlating it in your head?” Kevin asked softly.

Brian nodded with a sigh. “It’s against all I believe in. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, we’ve all known Howie was gay, or bi, for years, without him even telling us, and I love him exactly the same as I love the rest of you boys - it doesn’t change who he is in my eyes, but in the eyes of God...I dunno, it’s difficult.” He tried to explain. 

“Does it feel wrong when you kiss him?” Kevin asked as he took the burgers off the BBQ and put them on a plate, handing one to Brian.

“Thanks. And no, not really.” Brian answered. “I’m kinda too distracted to even be thinking about my faith at that point!” He grinned.

Kevin rolled his eyes and laughed. “Brian, God loves us for who we are, not for who we love. Being with another man doesn’t make you a bad person.” He said gently.

Brian shifted awkwardly as he sat down at the table. “What if it does?”  
“What if Howie’s ‘The One’? What if you are guided away from him by your faith and never know true love?” Kevin asked.  
“Are you trying to play devil’s advocate or something?” Brian asked with a nervous laugh.  
“I want you to be happy. And other than the first few days after you’d kissed Howie when the tension could have been cut with a knife, I’ve never seen you more relaxed. Apparently orgasms have a lot to do with that!” Kevin teased him.

Brian put a piece of burger into his mouth, giving him a few seconds to think. 

“Do you miss him?” Kevin asked, before Brian could speak.

Brian nodded. “But I miss all of you at differing times.” He argued weakly.  
“Haven’t traded orgasms with us though! When your phone beeps, do you wonder if it’s him?”  
“You aren’t helping, you know that right?!” Brian asked.  
“I want you to be happy, and I think if Howie is the person that can do that, then you need to let it happen if you feel the same way.”

*** 

Although Howie had been invited out several times over, he’d declined them all. His feelings for Brian were beginning to get a little out of control and he wasn’t sure what to do about them. The last few days had been spectacular but there was no denying that he wanted to get his hands on Brian, he wanted to bring Brian off, not watch him do it himself. 

He jumped a little as his phone rang and he smiled as he saw AJ’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, what’s up?” Howie answered with a smile as FaceTime loaded.  
“Hey dude! Just calling to check in on you.” AJ said with an easy smile.  
“I’m good. What you up to?” Howie asked, trying to place where AJ was - it looked familiar but he couldn't work out why.  
“Heard from Brian?” AJ winked, deliberately ignoring Howie’s question.  
“Nah. Not yet.”

“Ask him how he’s coping!” Howie suddenly heard Nick yell in the background and that was it, AJ was at Nick’s. 

“How you feeling about it all?” AJ asked, moving around the garden a little as the sun glared on the screen. 

Howie shrugged. “Nothing to be coping with.”

Nick suddenly appeared behind AJ, hooking his chin over AJ’s bare shoulder. “Don’t lie. We know what you’ve been up to D!” He winked at the screen and Howie pretended to frown.  
“Not been up to anything!” He lied. 

AJ laughed, moving away from Nick. “Dude! None of us are blind you know!”

Howie sighed and closed his eyes, tipping his head back onto the chair. “This is all your fault, you know?”

“I keep telling him that!” Nick yelled in the background.  
“And I’ve said I’m sorry like a million fucking times!” AJ grinned. “But you know, it’s not like you didn’t want it to happen.” He winked at Howie. 

Howie nodded. “I know. I just wish it hadn’t been a fucking bet.” He said pointedly. “That it had happened because he wanted it to.”

Nick grabbed the phone and there was a brief tussle as AJ tried to get it back but failed. 

“Ok, what AJ did was stupid … it was, shut the fuck up McLean,” Nick told AJ “but he didn’t make Brian kiss you, did he? He didn’t bet Brian to kiss you - he just bet him to hit on you and dude, I mean, you never notice when it happens anyway so maybe he worked a bit harder at that bit, but he kissed you because he wanted to.”

Howie stayed quiet as he looked at Nick on screen who was staring right at him. “Perhaps.” He agreed. “But nothing’s really happened.” 

Nick laughed, almost dropping the phone as he sat down on the grass next to AJ. “Yeah, whatever man!”

Howie glared at them both. “It hasn’t!” He replied hotly.  
“Dude, we ain’t stupid. We know you’ve been ‘room sharing’!” AJ laughed.  
“Well, whatever you think is happening most definitely is not.” Howie snapped.

Nick stopped laughing. “It’s not?” He asked.  
Howie shook his head. “Well, it is, kinda, but not.”

Howie watched Nick look at AJ and then back at the phone. “How can it kinda be happening and kinda not?” Nick asked.

Howie shut his eyes. “We’re getting off. Just on our own.” He said with a sigh.

AJ grabbed the phone back. “What?” He barked.  
“Same room, same bed, just ourselves.” Howie said, opening his eyes to see AJ’s incredulous face staring back at him.

“Wow. I … you want more, though, right?” He asked.  
Howie glared. “What do you think? Fuck, I wish this was easier.” 

Nick stole the phone again as AJ huffed at him. “You know he’s gonna struggle with his faith, so you’re just gonna have to let him have the space he needs.”  
“And possibly in the meantime get my heart trampled on? Not sure I’m up for that.” Howie laughed hollowly. “What if we mess about for a few weeks, months, and then he decides it’s not what he wants and I get my heart broken?”

Howie watched Nick smack AJ across the chest. “See? This is why I told you not to fucking interfere!”  
“You two seem pretty good at interfering and ignoring what’s going on right in front of you.” Howie commented with a wry smile.

AJ grabbed the phone. “Sorry dude, the reception in the garden is a bit weak, can’t really hear you, the line is really bad, going through a tunnel…” AJ grinned, making hissing noises as Nick made steam train noises in the background.

Howie laughed as the line went dead and dropped his phone onto his lap. 

*** 

Brian picked up his phone and composed yet another message to Howie late the following evening. He’d done this several times and not actually sent any of them.

In the end, he just sent a one line message which simply said ‘miss you’.

As he put his phone down, he could see that Howie had read the message and he was replying.  
“Miss you too. How’s it going at Kev’s?” Came the reply.  
“Not too bad. Done a bit of writing. What you been up to?” Brian responded.  
“Not much, just watching Thor and drooling over Chris Hemsworth’s v lines ;-)”

Brian grinned, settling himself comfortably on his bed. “Should I be jealous?”  
“Maybe…!”  
“Surely my v lines are better than his?!” Brian responded with a shocked face emoji.  
“I might need a reminder ;-)” Howie’s message came through almost instantly.

Brian’s groin stirred at the mere thought of Howie wanting a photo of him.

“Can’t you Google it?” Brian responded.  
“Would rather have yours in person, but if I can’t have that, you could at least send me a photo…” 

Brian sat up and pulled off his t-shirt. He lay back down awkwardly. He was kind of turned on by the idea but finding a good angle wasn’t easy without showing that he was turned on.

Eventually, 26 photographs later, Brian decided to throw caution to the wind and he sent a photo with his shorts slung low and it pretty evident that he was turned on.

Howie let out a quiet moan as the photo loaded onto his phone, his cock twitching in his boxers. 

“Fuck…” Howie typed back, “Yeah, yours is much better ;-) Kinda want to get off now…”

Brian’s breath hitched as he read Howie’s message and his fingers flew over the phone’s keyboard.  
“Kinda wish I could see you do that...send me a pic after?”

Howie dropped his phone as he scrambled into a better position on his bed, the TV still playing Thor in the background but his eyes glued to the photograph which lay open on his lap. He slid his hand into his boxers, pushing them down his legs and kicking them off his feet and he wrapped his hand around his cock which fully hardened quickly in his hand. His phone dimmed and he grabbed it with his left hand, laying his thumb over the screen so the photograph came back to life. He moved his hand back and forth quickly, his back arching off the bed a little and he knew it wasn’t going to take long at all. He bit down on his bottom lip, biting back a moan as he did so, thumbing the screen again as it darkened. He planted his feet firmly on the mattress beneath him and his hand worked furiously. 

He felt his orgasm start in his toes and, gasping loudly for breath, his body tensed and then shuddered as he came, long thick ropes shooting up and over his chest as he called Brian’s name, absently wishing he’d videoed this to send to Brian. 

He dropped the phone onto the bed and both hands fell to his sides as he lay there, trying to catch his breath. He glanced down at his chest and smiled wryly. He’d come so hard that it reached his nipple and even he could see the beauty of how he looked. 

Picking up his phone, he opened the camera and angling it as well as he could, he took a few photographs. When he was satisfied he had a good one, he grabbed his boxers and wiped them over his chest, dropping them onto the floor. 

Lying back, he chose the best photo and sent it to Brian with the message “can I call you and watch?” going with it. 

Moments later, his phone rang and he smiled as he answered it. 

***

“Someone’s in a good mood today.” Kevin smirked at Brian the following morning as Brian whistled to himself whilst he made breakfast. “Speak to somebody last night?” Kevin teased.  
“Might have done.” Brian smiled back at him. “It’s so weird - it was so nice and then I spent half the night awake worrying about it all.”

Kevin slapped his cousin on his back. “Just enjoy it. All love is good, doesn’t matter who it’s between, that’s all you need to remember.” He reminded him.

*** 

Howie glanced up, frowning as he could see a couple of photographers hanging around the restaurant he was having lunch at. He and Faith had sat outside, and he was beginning to think it was a mistake.

“You ok?” She asked as he moved his chair away from hers a little.  
“Yeah, think I’m being photographed, that’s all.” He replied nervously.  
“Really?” She asked in surprise, looking around.  
“Don’t!” He grinned, putting his hand on her arm lightly.  
“Why do you think we’re being watched?” She asked, leaning in closer as Howie lowered his voice.  
“I don’t know - it’s not normal for me to be followed!” He grinned. “It might have something to do with the me and Brian thing.” He guessed.  
“Oh. Checking to see if you’re being a good boy?!” She smiled at him, deliberately resting her head in her hands and pretending to gaze adoringly at him.

He laughed as he knocked her elbows away. “Stop it! You’re not helping!” Howie laughed.

*** 

“What the…” Howie started as his phone suddenly started beeping and vibrating a few hours later. Frowning, he picked up his phone and his heart sank a little.

“Is there trouble in Backstreet Boy paradise?”

He opened the notification to Twitter and he swore as he saw the photographs from earlier when he’d had lunch with Faith.

“Didn’t take fucking long, did it.” He mumbled to himself, searching his tag on Twitter to find that it was all over the place, fans were reposting it all over the place and asking what Howie was doing. He sighed in frustration - there were a dozen photos in total and by the time he’d finished scrolling through Twitter, he found that he was trending.

This wasn’t good.

*** 

Kevin stared at his phone for a moment, and then passed it to Brian. “Think you need to see this. Sure it’s not what it looks like though.”

Brian looked up at Kevin in confusion and took his phone. He brought it down to eye level and saw a photograph of Howie and a woman, who he thought he recognised, but wasn’t sure, having lunch together, heads close together as they laughed at something.

“Who is she? Do we know her?” Brian asked.

Kevin shrugged. “I’m not sure.” He said, sitting down next to him. “It’s probably completely innocent.”  
Brian nodded quickly, as if trying to reassure himself as well as Kevin. “Yeah, totally.” He agreed emptily.  
“Wanna call him?”  
“Not really. I mean, I don’t have a claim on him, do I?” Brian shrugged as he passed Kevin his phone back and pulled his own out of his pocket. His phone was blowing up with notifications too and he opened the Twitter app.

Kevin watched his cousin for a moment, a range of emotions flashing over his face as he saw more of the photographs and the comments on Twitter.

“Do people even fucking know him at all?” Brian said angrily. “There’s no way he’d cheat.”  
“Of course he wouldn’t.” Kevin agreed immediately.  
“What if he has decided though that he wants to be with someone else?” Brian asked quietly.

Kevin scoffed. “Since last night? I doubt it!”

Brian blushed. “You heard?”  
“Just happened to walk past your door at the wrong moment, that’s all! Heard he was on the phone too.” Kevin grinned. “Look, he knows you’re gonna deal with this in a different way, he knows you’re wrestling with your faith and he’s gonna give you time, you know that.”  
“He’s bi, though, right?” Brian asked and Kevin shrugged in agreement. “What if this is someone that we just don’t know about? I mean, I was the one who snogged him in the club, I’m the one who kissed him backstage and went back to his room. What if he’s just being polite?” Brian asked, his voice getting higher.

Kevin laughed. “He’s having phone sex with you out of politeness?! Wow, dude, that’s a new one on me!” 

Brian elbowed him. “Shut up.”

Kevin sat back, crossing his arms across his chest and mimicking zipping his lips shut.

“What if he’s been dating someone and none of us knew?” Brian asked.

Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Am I allowed to speak now?” He smirked. “He’s not been seeing anyone.” He said.  
“How do you know?” Brian asked miserably.  
“Because we know him. If he had, he wouldn’t have kissed you back, would he?” Kevin reasoned with him.

Brian shrugged. “I guess.”  
“Jealous?” Kevin asked gently.  
“A little. I mean, he’s kinda gazing at her…” Brian trailed off, locking his phone, not wanting to look at the photograph any longer.

“You mean the way you gaze at him?” Kevin teased.  
“I don’t!” Brian denied.  
“Oh dude, you need to open your eyes! Yes, you do!”

Brian stood up. “What if I go to hell?” He asked, turning away from Kevin.

Kevin rolled his eyes in frustration and stood up. He put his hands on Brian’s arms and turned him around. “So what if you do? Isn’t he worth taking that risk for?”

*** 

Brian stood outside the gates to Howie’s house several hours later. He’d packed up and Kevin had driven him to the airport and Brian had got the first flight out of LA to Orlando. It was a 5 hour flight and it was gone 1am when the car from the airport had pulled up outside.

There were two lights on in the house; one upstairs and one downstairs. Brian was fairly sure the light downstairs was the kitchen light.

They’d all known the codes to each others’ houses for years so he tapped in the 6 digit code for Howie’s gates and made his way up the driveway. He dumped his bag on the front step and walked around to the kitchen.

He saw Howie laying on the sofa he had at the end of the kitchen, a mug in his hands as he stared into the distance.

Brian gently knocked on the window and Howie shot up, looking around wildly. Brian knocked again and Howie saw him through the window.

He got up, put the mug down and went around to the kitchen door. “Fuck, you scared the life out of me!” He said, a hand over his heart as he opened the door.

Brian didn’t say anything, he just walked in, backing Howie up against the wall and kissed him. Howie made a noise as he hit the wall, wrapping his arms around Brian’s neck and pulling him in closer as they kissed.

“You know it’s bullshit, the photos, she’s just a friend, I’ve known her forever.” Howie breathed, breaking away a minute or so later.  
“Yeah. I know.” Brian replied, shoving a hand down between them and opening Howie’s jeans. “But fuck me, I was as jealous as fuck.” He told him as he pushed his hand into Howie’s jeans, wrapping his hand around Howie’s hardening cock and Howie jerked so hard he hit his head on the wall behind him.  
“Nothing to be jealous of.” Howie said weakly as he struggled to breathe, his cock hardening so fast in Brian’s hand that he knew he was going to come embarrassingly fast.  
“I want you to be mine. Just mine.” Brian growled, kissing Howie again, moving his hand quickly and he pulled back again as he realised that Howie was coming, the other man’s body tense against his own as he jerked into Brian’s.  
“Fuck, Brian...just wanna be yours too.” He gasped, shooting into Brian’s hand, his legs giving out beneath him and he slumped against the wall, Brian’s arms keeping him from collapsing onto the floor.

Brian leant down, kissing him again, his own erection straining in his jeans and he pressed the heel of his hand to his groin to ease the pressure a little.

Howie slid down to the floor, onto his knees as he slapped Brian’s hand away, opening his jeans and pulling Brian’s erection out, sliding his lips over it before Brian had even realised what was happening.

“Fuck!” Brian cried out, his hands on the back of Howie’s head. He pushed his hands against him as gently as he could manage, Howie taking him down as far as he could, humming lightly around Brian, licking and sucking desperately, wanting nothing more to feel Brian come down his throat.

Moments later, he got his wish as Brian pushed Howie’s head down just a little further and he came with a shout, Howie pulling back a little, coughing a bit as Brian shot over his lips and chin. He slid to the floor as Howie wiped his chin with the back of his hand and Brian kissed him, tasting himself on Howie’s mouth.

A few moments later, they broke away, both breathless.

“Hi.” Brian beamed at Howie. “Sorry, got a bit carried away!” He apologised.  
“Don’t apologise for doing that! You can do that as often as you want to!” Howie laughed back, squirming a little at the mess they were both in.  
“I just want to be with you. Fuck the rest of the world.” Brian said seriously.

Howie beamed at him. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted you to say that.” He admitted.  
“I still have my faith, but I want to be with you and if my faith can’t deal with that, then I’ll find away around it.” Brian promised.

*** 

“Here come the lovebirds, get your sick buckets ready!” AJ laughed as Howie and Brian walked into the green room in Vegas, hand in hand a few days later.  
“Shut up!” Howie grinned as he sat down, Brian dropping down onto his lap, deliberately to wind the others up.  
“Everything ok?” Kevin asked, taking a swig from the bottle of water in his hand.

They both smiled. “Yep. Talked stuff through and caught up on what we should have been doing for a long time!” Brian told him.

“About fucking time! Honestly, I was beginning to think you two would never sort yourselves out!” AJ smirked.

Brian looked at AJ who was sitting with his feet in Nick’s lap. “You’re a fine one to talk.” He began and Nick’s eyes flickered up from his phone in interest. “You ever gonna tell Nick how you feel?” Brian asked with a smirk on his face.

AJ frowned at Brian, glanced at Nick and then back to Brian. “What do you mean?”  
“You gonna tell him you’re in love with him?” Brian countered, done with the two of them side stepping this all the time.  
“He knows I am.” AJ said at the same time Nick said “I know he is.”

Brian frowned at the pair of them. “You do?” He asked.  
“Yeah. You know we’re living together, right?” Nick asked, trying very hard to keep the smile off his face.

Three pairs of eyes stared at Nick in disbelief.  
“No, no you’re not.” Kevin said stupidly.

AJ nodded. “Yeah, we are.” He said, moving his feet off Nick’s lap as Nick moved along the sofa, mirroring Howie and Brian and sitting on AJ’s lap.  
“Since when?” Howie asked suspiciously.

AJ and Nick looked at each other. “About 6, 7 months?” AJ asked Nick who nodded in agreement.  
“Nah, I don’t believe you.” Brian said, unsure.  
“We got fed up of fucking around. We were only sleeping with each other, we figured out we missed being together when there wasn’t band stuff on and I told AJ I was in love with him.” Nick said casually.

Brian, Howie and Kevin looked at each other and then back to Nick and AJ who were smirking at them all.

“So, if we went to your place Nick, we’d find AJ’s shit there?” Brian asked.  
“Yep!” Nick said proudly. “His place in LA is for sale. He got loads of his stuff shipped over here this weekend.” Nick told them.

Kevin pulled his phone out of his pocket. He didn’t really believe that Nick was telling the truth, but he wasn’t so sure that he did believe him. He opened Google and wrote AJ’s address into the search bar. Within seconds, a listing for the house was showing up on his phone and he looked at the pair of them who were grinning at him smugly.

“Told you.” Nick smirked at him.

“Well fuck me sideways.” Kevin announced, sitting down in a nearby chair. “I can’t believe you two sorted your shit out before these two did!” He grinned at Nick and AJ.

“I mean, I’d need to check Nick was up for me fucking you sideways, but sure it can be arranged, hey babe?!” AJ grinned up at Nick.

Nick nodded eagerly. “You can, but I’m staying and I’m fucking filming it for prosperity!” He laughed.

Kevin smacked his hand over his head. “Oh my god, the four of you are gonna be fucking unbearable, aren’t you?!” He grinned at his friends, glad that they were finally in the right places of their lives.


End file.
